Dear Reader,
When I first starting this college composition class this fall I was not a very confident writer and knew that I needed work. I was expecting to be writing a piece of work everyday. I have to admit that we did do a lot of writing and different papers, but I can really tell that my writing has improved. I have learned a lot about myself as a writer. I tend to tell aspect of my writing instead of showing them, I need to plan all of my papers, and I have to work on developing the characters and plot of the stories.
We have learned many different techniques and suggestions to help us write. I didn’t think that I was a horrendous writer, but I knew that I could do a few things differently. I tend to write things just to get the paper done. With this course I have learned to plan out my paper first to ensure that I can get my point across to the reader. I think that some of the most beneficial things that I will take away from this class are planning, introductions, conclusions, titles, and the many different types of writing we studied.
I think that before this class I just wrote the paper to get it done. With doing this I made writing much harder for myself. Leaning to plan out my papers in an outline or even just bullet my ideas on a separate piece of paper really allows my thoughts to develop. Planning allows me to write the paper in a way that is clear and coherent to the reader. I find that when I just begin writing the paper the beginning may be lacking, the middle is usually well written, and the end is usually just there (this is because I didn’t know how to end a paper). I have learned through the introduction lesson in class that you need to warm up before you can write well. This has really helped me write much better, more organized papers. After learning how to write conclusions I am much more comfortable ending papers. I know that you need to restate the thesis and main points of the paper. Finally at the end the conclusion has to have a way to bring a close to the story which leaves an impact on the reader.
In my first few posts I talked about the development of my food paper. In this revision I really concentrated on making it interesting, clear, and organized. One thing that I would like you to recognize is my growth from my first draft, to my revised draft, then to my new introductions. There is a big change between all of these writing pieces. It is apparent that my writing has become much more detailed and informative to the reader.
In my next few post I talk about my seven deadly sins paper. With this paper I would like the readers to focus on the growth of my conclusions. It is very clear that the development of this aspect of my paper has allowed the whole piece to improve and flow smoother. It is much clearer, and focused just from the few changes I have made throughout these posts.
In my last few posts I developed my narrative writing piece. I would like the reader to recognize my overall growth. This was the last paper I revised, so I was able to put all of the skills I learned in this class and portray them to the reader. The growth from my first draft to my second draft is great. I think that I was able fix my grammar, sentence structure, and format as well as add detail, fix the introduction, and conclusion. This paper will act as the show case of the course and will represent everything I have learned this semester.
After taking this class I feel much more comfortable just sitting down and writing a paragraph, essay, or paper. I have learned how to plan out essays, think of topics, and structure the paper in a way that is easy to understand and follow. There were definitely a few topics that I was not excited to write about and I knew would be hard. Following what I have learned in this course has helped me write these papers and made them interesting. Before the class I think I had a hard time showing the reader the point that I am trying to convey.
After learning about showing vs telling I can now use descriptions to enhance the tone and mood of my paper to make it more interesting and relatable. Looking back at the papers that I have written throughout this course I can really tell what I have improved on. Writing comes much easier to me because of the constant practice and learning these new techniques. The following papers show my growth as a writer as well as the skills I have learned throughout this course. These papers include descriptive, narrative, process analysis, and exemplification writing styles and techniques. I hope you enjoy reading my papers and following the growth and development I have made throughout this semester.
Sincerely,
Megan Buisman
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Bet'cha Can't Eat Just One
In order to draft this paper I had to do research on Lays potato chips. I needed to figure out the history of the potato chip. I thought that it was easy to state the facts about potato chips, but I think it may have made my paper a little boring. I found it especially dull in the paragraphs where I talk about what the ingredients of the different types of chips. For example when I said, "The baked chips are made of potatoes, olestra, salt, alphaTocopheryl acetate, vitamin A, vitamin K, vitamin D." I don't really know what most of these ingredients are, so I can bet that the reader won't really be interested in that paragraph either. In these few sentences I think that I can find a better more intriguing way to draw the reader into compare and contrasting the chips.
It was kind of hard to explain our experience of trying the different kinds of potato chips. It was difficult to convey my feelings and put the taste of all of the chips into words. This was really frustrating to me. I think I did a sufficient enough job to get the point across on comparing the chips, but I can add more detail and specifics. I need to go back to the packet we took notes on during our taste testing experience and add a few comments that I notices while actually experiencing the tasting.
I used many different techniques in my paper. I used definition writing, description, compare and contrast, as well as listing. I defined what potato chips were based on their history and what the dictionary describes them as. I think instead of saying, According to yourdictionary.com, a potato chip is defined as A thin slice of potato fried in deep fat until crisp then usually salted and flavored,” I can give the reader my definition of what a potato chip means to me when I think of it. This will add much more personality to the paper and allow the reader to see my opinion about chips. I then described how the different kinds of Lays chips tasted, looked, and the ingredients they contained. Then compared and contrasted the kinds of chips. Doing this allowed me to analyze the taste testing experience and develop my paper.
One of my favorite lines in this paper is when I say, "When I tasted the baked I was very surprised. I have had the baked kind before and thought that they were pretty good. After eating the classic kind beforehand, the baked kind was very disappointing." I think that the reader can relate to this. When you compare something very bland and boring to something salty and tasty, there is no real comparison. The food that is unhealthy for you is most likely tastier.
Throughout my paper I used block-by-block comparisons to make sure the reader could tell the difference between the kinds of chips. I also stated my opinions and facts based on what I found in my research. I let the reader know what I thought about the different chips and which ones I like and didn't like. Not only did I tell them my thoughts. I tried to convey my experience to them.
I really liked my introduction after re-reading my paper. I think I did a good job of giving the reader an insight about what the paper would be about without giving away all of the aspects. I thought that because I started out by telling the history of potato chips, it caught peoples attention. I didn't know how potato chips were first started and how they thought about the airtight sealed packaging we see in stores. The middle of my paper is kind of boring. Especially in the parts I stated above. I need to add less factual data and more creative compare and contrast techniques. I think that I could do a better job of using imagery to describe the different potato chips and how they looked and tasted. Although I said, "You could actually see the grease discoloration on these yellow and almost transparent circular slices of fried potatoes," I can make my descriptions more detailed and clearer for the reader to imagine this. I like how I incorporated the slogans of Lays. I People can really relate to this. Most people have heard the "Betcha can't Eat Just One" slogan. This is why I made it my title. I think it really sums up the whole Lays Company and their products.
My partner said that my introduction really showed how Lays started and became popular. He also said that the introduction grabbed his attention. He said that I did a good job of introducing the paper and my experience during the taste test. One thing that my partner said that I could add was more of my opinions. If I added my opinion, I would give the reader something to compare their opinions about Lays. It will also give the reader something to think about and possibly make them think about the aspects of a potato chip in a different way. I totally agree with what I could improve on in my Food Paper. Adding more of my opinions and less facts will make it more interesting.
It was kind of hard to explain our experience of trying the different kinds of potato chips. It was difficult to convey my feelings and put the taste of all of the chips into words. This was really frustrating to me. I think I did a sufficient enough job to get the point across on comparing the chips, but I can add more detail and specifics. I need to go back to the packet we took notes on during our taste testing experience and add a few comments that I notices while actually experiencing the tasting.
I used many different techniques in my paper. I used definition writing, description, compare and contrast, as well as listing. I defined what potato chips were based on their history and what the dictionary describes them as. I think instead of saying, According to yourdictionary.com, a potato chip is defined as A thin slice of potato fried in deep fat until crisp then usually salted and flavored,” I can give the reader my definition of what a potato chip means to me when I think of it. This will add much more personality to the paper and allow the reader to see my opinion about chips. I then described how the different kinds of Lays chips tasted, looked, and the ingredients they contained. Then compared and contrasted the kinds of chips. Doing this allowed me to analyze the taste testing experience and develop my paper.
One of my favorite lines in this paper is when I say, "When I tasted the baked I was very surprised. I have had the baked kind before and thought that they were pretty good. After eating the classic kind beforehand, the baked kind was very disappointing." I think that the reader can relate to this. When you compare something very bland and boring to something salty and tasty, there is no real comparison. The food that is unhealthy for you is most likely tastier.
Throughout my paper I used block-by-block comparisons to make sure the reader could tell the difference between the kinds of chips. I also stated my opinions and facts based on what I found in my research. I let the reader know what I thought about the different chips and which ones I like and didn't like. Not only did I tell them my thoughts. I tried to convey my experience to them.
I really liked my introduction after re-reading my paper. I think I did a good job of giving the reader an insight about what the paper would be about without giving away all of the aspects. I thought that because I started out by telling the history of potato chips, it caught peoples attention. I didn't know how potato chips were first started and how they thought about the airtight sealed packaging we see in stores. The middle of my paper is kind of boring. Especially in the parts I stated above. I need to add less factual data and more creative compare and contrast techniques. I think that I could do a better job of using imagery to describe the different potato chips and how they looked and tasted. Although I said, "You could actually see the grease discoloration on these yellow and almost transparent circular slices of fried potatoes," I can make my descriptions more detailed and clearer for the reader to imagine this. I like how I incorporated the slogans of Lays. I People can really relate to this. Most people have heard the "Betcha can't Eat Just One" slogan. This is why I made it my title. I think it really sums up the whole Lays Company and their products.
My partner said that my introduction really showed how Lays started and became popular. He also said that the introduction grabbed his attention. He said that I did a good job of introducing the paper and my experience during the taste test. One thing that my partner said that I could add was more of my opinions. If I added my opinion, I would give the reader something to compare their opinions about Lays. It will also give the reader something to think about and possibly make them think about the aspects of a potato chip in a different way. I totally agree with what I could improve on in my Food Paper. Adding more of my opinions and less facts will make it more interesting.
“Bet’cha Can’t Eat Just One”
There are many different brands of potato chips and many different flavors of potato chips. What is the definition of a potato chip? According to yourdictionary.com, a potato chip is defined as “A thin slice of potato fried in deep fat until crisp then usually salted and flavored.” The history of the potato chips is that a restaurant owner, George Crum was fed up with a customer who kept complaining that the fried potatoes were too thick. After Crum getting upset and frustrated at this customer, he decided to slice the potatoes so thin that you can’t eat them with a fork. He did this just to prove a point and satisfy the customer. To his surprise, the customers who came to his restaurant loved this new phenomenon of a sliced potato also known as the potato chip. Not until 1920’s were potato chips being massed produced. This was started by Herman Lay, who eventually started the brand of Lays potato chips. When you go to the store they sell the lays potato chip bags in airtight bags. Before this they stored the potato chips in big barrels. The problem with this was that the chips at the bottom became soggy and stale. The airtight seal began when women began to ironing two pieces of wax paper together to create a seal and maintain freshness.
In class we tested different products and were to compare the taste, smell, texture, feel, look, and overall products. We were given the task to try different kinds of Lays potato chips. We were given samples of the classic, natural, light, and baked. My group decided to try the classic potato chips first. These are the most greasy, salty, and unhealthy of course. You could actually see the grease discoloration on these yellow and almost transparent circular slices of fried potatoes. In every bite of this kind you had a mouthful of salt. Personally it was just a little too much for my liking. You could taste all of the grease and oil almost dripping from each chip. When I tasted the baked I was very surprised. I have had the baked kind before and thought that they were pretty good. After eating the classic kind beforehand, the baked kind was very disappointing. They almost tasted like cardboard. They had a strange aftertaste and were lighter. The chips were thinner and although they were salty, they were not oily or greasy at all. We tried the natural kind next. They seemed very earthy and natural. They had less of a salt taste and more potato taste. The natural kind looks the most like the original minus the many transparent grease and oil stains. For the light kind, they were very crunchy. You can still taste the salt, but obviously not as much of a dominant taste as the classic.
I was not really surprised about how the different kinds of chips actually did taste very different, but I was stunned when I looked to see what ingredients are in the different kinds. According to lays they make their original classic chips with potatoes, sunflower oil, corn oil, and salt. The baked chips are made of potatoes, olestra, salt, alphaTocopheryl acetate, vitamin A, vitamin K, vitamin D. The natural chips are made of dehydrated potatoes, modified food starch, sugar, corn oil, salt, soy, dextrose. The light chips are made up of Potatoes, Olestra, Salt, alpha-Tocopheryl Acetate (Vitamin E) Vitamin A, Palmitate, Vitamin K, Vitamin D, and Tocopherols. As you can see, the classic kind has the least amount of products. To make up for the flavor that you are missing from the baked, natural, and light kinds they add other ingredients.
Not only have they developed different kinds of chips and flavors over the past years, Lays have come up with different slogans to promote their products. From the 1960s to 2006, their slogan was “Bet’cha can’t eat just one!” In 2006, it was “Lays, Get your Smile on”, 2007 it was “Food for the Fun of It”. In 2009, they developed the slogan of “Simply Made. Simply Good.” as well as “Happiness is Simple.” As you can tell, these slogans have evolved over the years. They had the “Bet’cha can’t eat just one” slogan for a long time. This was directed more towards the advertising aspect of the company. They make the slogan a challenge for people. If it says “Bet’cha can’t eat just one” then the will try to do the challenge and then fail because no one can actually only eat one potato chip when they have a whole bag. The slogans have developed over the years and are now geared more towards the quality of the product. In 2009, all of the slogans have to do with the chips being simple and natural.
There are flavors and kinds of Lays for everyone. To think that they started out just because a customer complained about the fried potatoes and now they have developed many different kinds of the same original chips. When tasted and compared the classic, natural, baked, and light potato chips you can really tell the different between them. The baked kind tasted the most different from the Original classic, but they all have their pros and cons. The baked chips looked the most different from the other kinds. The light and natural resemble the most to classic chips. With all of the different flavors and kinds of chips, it allows everyone who eats Lays chips to be satisfied.
The Greatest Snack Food Ever
In my original introduction, I started with my definition writing of describing what a potato chip is. After that I developed my paragraph into the history of the potato chips. I split up my introduction into two parts. The first part I told the history and in the second part I introduced our task of experiencing the taste test activity in class.
There are many different brands of potato chips and many different flavors of potato chips. What is the definition of a potato chip? According to yourdictionary.com, a potato chip is defined as “A thin slice of potato fried in deep fat until crisp then usually salted and flavored.” The history of the potato chips is that a restaurant owner, George Crum was fed up with a customer who kept complaining that the fried potatoes were too thick. After Crum getting upset and frustrated at this customer, he decided to slice the potatoes so thin that you can’t eat them with a fork. He did this just to prove a point and satisfy the customer. To his surprise, the customers who came to his restaurant loved this new phenomenon of a sliced potato also known as the potato chip. Not until 1920’s were potato chips being massed produced. This was started by Herman Lay, who eventually started the brand of Lays potato chips. When you go to the store they sell the lays potato chip bags in airtight bags. Before this they stored the potato chips in big barrels. The problem with this was that the chips at the bottom became soggy and stale. The airtight seal began when women began to ironing two pieces of wax paper together to create a seal and maintain freshness. In class we tested different products and were to compare the taste, smell, texture, feel, look, and overall products. We were given the task to try different kinds of Lays potato chips. We were given samples of the classic, natural, light, and baked.
In my first new introduction I am going to try to start with a quotation. I think that if I start with the slogan that many can connect with Lays, then I can set the mood for the whole paper. It will allow the paper to seem more light and fun rather than dull and boring.
"Bet'cha Can't Eat Just One", this is a very popular slogan for one of the most famous potato chip companies. What does this slogan mean? When I think of this I come up with a challenge. The delicious taste you get when you eat a Lays potato chip, forces you to keep eating them. It has a very addicting taste of the salty, flaky, goodness. Who has ever eaten just one potato chip when you have a whole bag in front of you? In class we did a test test on different kinds of Lays chips. We compared the taste, look, and smell of the classic, natural, light, and baked chips. I found myself going back and eating more than just one chip of each kind. They were just too good to stop at one chip, therefore I failed at the challenge of just eating one.
For my second new paragraph I am going to use the technique of opening with speaking directly to the reader's concern. I think beginning with this technique the reader will be able to become hooked into the paper very easily. It will leave them guessing and wanting to read more of the paper. It will draw the reader into the paper.
When people think about potato chips what do they think of? I'm sure some words that come to their mind are delicious, salty, flaky, crunchy, lays, earthy, bad for you, fattening, addicting, and one of the most popular snack foods. I totally agree. When my class read the paper "No Wonder they Call Me a Bitch" which is about a person who tasted dog foods and compared them, we decided to follow this experiment. Of course we decided to pick better tasting foods to try. We had three taste testing groups, chocolate, chocolate chip cookies, and potato chips. I was in the group responsible for tasting the potato chips. We had to compare the classic, natural, light, and baked kinds. They all had their own unique taste and look. They all resembled a potato chip that millions of people snack on ever day. I have found many similarities and differences comparing the different kinds to the well know classic Lay's potato chip.
The last technique that I am going to use to write an Introduction to my paper is starting with a good question. Using this technique the reader will be able to engage in my paper and begin to think about their own opinions on the topic.
What is the best flavor of potato chips? The good thing about Lays chips is that they have a wide variety of chip flavors. They have sweet, spicy, savory, and of course salty kinds. The most original flavor is Lays classics. They are fried and salted. They are very simple and that is what attracts people to them. The flavors that I find the best are the cheddar and sour cream, classic, sour cream and onion, and bar-b-que. Everyone has their favorite tastes which makes Lays the most popular brand of potato chips due to their wide variety of diverse flavors which appeals to everyone. Lays also has different kinds of chips based on the contents. We compared the taste of the classic, baked, light, and natural chips to see if the flavors of the chips are compromised for the nutrition of the product.
There are many different brands of potato chips and many different flavors of potato chips. What is the definition of a potato chip? According to yourdictionary.com, a potato chip is defined as “A thin slice of potato fried in deep fat until crisp then usually salted and flavored.” The history of the potato chips is that a restaurant owner, George Crum was fed up with a customer who kept complaining that the fried potatoes were too thick. After Crum getting upset and frustrated at this customer, he decided to slice the potatoes so thin that you can’t eat them with a fork. He did this just to prove a point and satisfy the customer. To his surprise, the customers who came to his restaurant loved this new phenomenon of a sliced potato also known as the potato chip. Not until 1920’s were potato chips being massed produced. This was started by Herman Lay, who eventually started the brand of Lays potato chips. When you go to the store they sell the lays potato chip bags in airtight bags. Before this they stored the potato chips in big barrels. The problem with this was that the chips at the bottom became soggy and stale. The airtight seal began when women began to ironing two pieces of wax paper together to create a seal and maintain freshness. In class we tested different products and were to compare the taste, smell, texture, feel, look, and overall products. We were given the task to try different kinds of Lays potato chips. We were given samples of the classic, natural, light, and baked.
In my first new introduction I am going to try to start with a quotation. I think that if I start with the slogan that many can connect with Lays, then I can set the mood for the whole paper. It will allow the paper to seem more light and fun rather than dull and boring.
"Bet'cha Can't Eat Just One", this is a very popular slogan for one of the most famous potato chip companies. What does this slogan mean? When I think of this I come up with a challenge. The delicious taste you get when you eat a Lays potato chip, forces you to keep eating them. It has a very addicting taste of the salty, flaky, goodness. Who has ever eaten just one potato chip when you have a whole bag in front of you? In class we did a test test on different kinds of Lays chips. We compared the taste, look, and smell of the classic, natural, light, and baked chips. I found myself going back and eating more than just one chip of each kind. They were just too good to stop at one chip, therefore I failed at the challenge of just eating one.
For my second new paragraph I am going to use the technique of opening with speaking directly to the reader's concern. I think beginning with this technique the reader will be able to become hooked into the paper very easily. It will leave them guessing and wanting to read more of the paper. It will draw the reader into the paper.
When people think about potato chips what do they think of? I'm sure some words that come to their mind are delicious, salty, flaky, crunchy, lays, earthy, bad for you, fattening, addicting, and one of the most popular snack foods. I totally agree. When my class read the paper "No Wonder they Call Me a Bitch" which is about a person who tasted dog foods and compared them, we decided to follow this experiment. Of course we decided to pick better tasting foods to try. We had three taste testing groups, chocolate, chocolate chip cookies, and potato chips. I was in the group responsible for tasting the potato chips. We had to compare the classic, natural, light, and baked kinds. They all had their own unique taste and look. They all resembled a potato chip that millions of people snack on ever day. I have found many similarities and differences comparing the different kinds to the well know classic Lay's potato chip.
The last technique that I am going to use to write an Introduction to my paper is starting with a good question. Using this technique the reader will be able to engage in my paper and begin to think about their own opinions on the topic.
What is the best flavor of potato chips? The good thing about Lays chips is that they have a wide variety of chip flavors. They have sweet, spicy, savory, and of course salty kinds. The most original flavor is Lays classics. They are fried and salted. They are very simple and that is what attracts people to them. The flavors that I find the best are the cheddar and sour cream, classic, sour cream and onion, and bar-b-que. Everyone has their favorite tastes which makes Lays the most popular brand of potato chips due to their wide variety of diverse flavors which appeals to everyone. Lays also has different kinds of chips based on the contents. We compared the taste of the classic, baked, light, and natural chips to see if the flavors of the chips are compromised for the nutrition of the product.
Committed at the Movie Theater
I found this paper kind of difficult to write when I first started drafting. I had a difficult topic to write about. I decided to write about the 7 deadly sins committed at the movie theater. I got this idea because if you ever go to the movie theater and watch the type of people who go and see that specific movie, they are parallels. The people that go see the movie can usually relate to the plot or characters. The personalities of these people reflect the movies they see.
I found it difficult to think of genres of movies and films that fit the 7 deadly sins. I definitely know that some of the paragraphs are more developed and better written than others. That is one thing that I need to work on. I have to edit and elaborate more on my paragraphs about lust, pride, and sloth. Choosing good movies was much harder than I was expecting. I thought that I would just be able state the genre, but when I decided to add actual film titles it became much harder. I could definitely change some of my movie titles that reflect the deadly sin that corresponds.
Working on this paper has taught me a lot about exemplification. With this type of paper I really need to make sure that I have every example for each point. Once I have an example of all of the sins I need to elaborate and explain why they represent that sin. Exemplifying each claim in my paper will allow the reader to feel connected. Without the paper having examples to back up my thesis, the reader may feel lost or confused. They may not understand the point of the paper or be very bored by the bland aspect of the paper. I think that I need to work on elaborating my examples. I have pretty good examples of movies that represent each sin, now I need to elaborate and explain more of why they represent that sin. My strength of exemplification and elaborating on the example is shown in my description of committing the sin of gluttony. I said, "A 250 pound guys stumbles through the hall into the theater. He sits down with his 2 extra large sodas, 4 large popcorn boxes, and 6 jumbo size candy bars." The reader can imagine this in their mind and it truly exemplifies the sin of gluttony being committed.
I think that my greatest strength of this paper is my topic. Many people can relate to this and the aspect of "people watching". The seven deadly sins committed at the movie theater is very cleaver and could be really interesting. I need to rethink some of my examples and movies. Not only did I use exemplification to write this paper, I also used a lot of description. I used this is shown in the following lines, "Every person either has their cell phones out, ugg boots on, or their ipod touch in their hand." This is describing the teenagers watching their movie and committing the sin of greed. They are very materialistic and the reader can really picture this scene at the theater.
I think that my descriptive writing and exemplification has made it easy for the reader to follow and reflect on the people that they know or interact with everyday. I am sure that everyone knows a person who possesses these qualities that are elaborated on throughout my paper. This allows the reader to be engaged and interested in this piece of writing. I believe that I have a very good start on this paper. I have an interesting topic and need to fix a few parts to portray my point to the reader.
I found it difficult to think of genres of movies and films that fit the 7 deadly sins. I definitely know that some of the paragraphs are more developed and better written than others. That is one thing that I need to work on. I have to edit and elaborate more on my paragraphs about lust, pride, and sloth. Choosing good movies was much harder than I was expecting. I thought that I would just be able state the genre, but when I decided to add actual film titles it became much harder. I could definitely change some of my movie titles that reflect the deadly sin that corresponds.
Working on this paper has taught me a lot about exemplification. With this type of paper I really need to make sure that I have every example for each point. Once I have an example of all of the sins I need to elaborate and explain why they represent that sin. Exemplifying each claim in my paper will allow the reader to feel connected. Without the paper having examples to back up my thesis, the reader may feel lost or confused. They may not understand the point of the paper or be very bored by the bland aspect of the paper. I think that I need to work on elaborating my examples. I have pretty good examples of movies that represent each sin, now I need to elaborate and explain more of why they represent that sin. My strength of exemplification and elaborating on the example is shown in my description of committing the sin of gluttony. I said, "A 250 pound guys stumbles through the hall into the theater. He sits down with his 2 extra large sodas, 4 large popcorn boxes, and 6 jumbo size candy bars." The reader can imagine this in their mind and it truly exemplifies the sin of gluttony being committed.
I think that my greatest strength of this paper is my topic. Many people can relate to this and the aspect of "people watching". The seven deadly sins committed at the movie theater is very cleaver and could be really interesting. I need to rethink some of my examples and movies. Not only did I use exemplification to write this paper, I also used a lot of description. I used this is shown in the following lines, "Every person either has their cell phones out, ugg boots on, or their ipod touch in their hand." This is describing the teenagers watching their movie and committing the sin of greed. They are very materialistic and the reader can really picture this scene at the theater.
I think that my descriptive writing and exemplification has made it easy for the reader to follow and reflect on the people that they know or interact with everyday. I am sure that everyone knows a person who possesses these qualities that are elaborated on throughout my paper. This allows the reader to be engaged and interested in this piece of writing. I believe that I have a very good start on this paper. I have an interesting topic and need to fix a few parts to portray my point to the reader.
All Seven Deadly Sins Committed at the Movie Theater.
What is something that people of all ages enjoy to do? How about watching movies? People enjoy watching movies because they feel like they can relate to the characters in different films. Not only do people watch movies that they can relate to in their everyday lives, but they also may be intrigued by movies that allow them to envision their lives in a different way. People wish that they can have the lives of the characters in specific films. Not only do the movies reflect the people that walk into that theater, but it reflects the secret lives that these people may live. All movies can be portrayed through the themes of the seven deadly sins- greed, gluttony, pride, lust, envy, sloth, and wrath. Not only do the plots, settings, and characters reflect these themes, but the moviegoers’ personalities are parallels to these themes.
I sit there at the movie theater watching the different personalities walk into the different playing of movies. Some horror films, chick-flicks, inspirational films, sports movies, documentaries, comedies, etc. I see the sin of Gluttony walk by. A 250 pound guys stumbles through the hall into the theater. He sits down with his 2 extra large sodas, 4 large popcorn boxes, and 6 jumbo size candy bars. He sits there to watch “Super Size Me.” An over indulged man who tests out the nutrition of McDonald's. He eats McDonald’s everyday for every meal. The crude graphics, over the top idea, and exaggerations show the sin of gluttony. This reflects the man sitting in the theater. This man will be the character in “Super Size Me” in no time.
Greed walks into theater 7 down the hall. I walk into the theater and see a room full of high schoolers and teens sitting chatting away. Every person either has their cell phones out, ugg boots on, or their ipod
In theater 3, “The Little Giants” is playing. The room is filled with about 30, tough, macho, high school boys. In this movie, Kevin O’shea cuts all of these small, weak kids from his start football team because they aren’t good enough. He even cuts his niece. He becomes very cocky, stuck up, and arrogant. When his brother starts a team with all of the kids who got cut from Kevin’s team, they challenge each other. Kevin has no doubt in his mind that they will win. Kevin’s real fate will be shown when the two teams play. These boys watching this movie feel that they can relate. They want to be on the best team and show their friends that they are the best. These stocky football players only want to prove themselves to each other and show their over-arrogant pride.
Lust, “Sex and the City”. There are two types of people who come to watch this movie. There are the groups of best friends who have a girl’s night out and the girls who force their boyfriends to go with them. This movie is all about lust and relationships. Four friends move to New York City to find love. They show the ups and downs in relationships. Girls love these kinds of chick flicks. They can relate to love and relationships.
In theater 5, the room is filled with teens and middle aged adults. Everyone seems level headed and inspired by others. Everyone has challenges in their life and in “The Pursuit of Happyness” the main character is homeless and jobless. He is envious of all of the top shot business men. After hard work and detection, he is the one that everyone in the theater wants to be at the end of the movie.
I look into theater 8. “March of the Penguins” comes on. The documentary is about penguins and their journey through Antarctica. They must go across the thick layer of ice and snow and march across the land in single file line. This movie has no talking. It is simply just quiet, slow in some spots and very factual. This movie portrays the sin of sloth to a group of very low key, calm people. Many older people who enjoy facts and first hand footage of the wild. These sluggish penguins that take a whole winter to get to their destination intrigue the watchers in the theater.
“Silence of the Lambs” is about an FBI psychiatrist who interviews a killer to learn about Buffalo Bill who kidnaps and kills young women. She learns that he is holding a young lady and she has to take matters into her own hand and stop him. This killer has committed the sin of wrath. He is a very angry and livid man. This character is trying to get revenge. It has some graphic and intense scenes. This movie attracts many different kinds of people in the movie theater. The theater is filled with mostly guys who like intense situations. They don’t get scared by blood and guts. Although they act tough on the outside, they are really scared and have nightmares on the inside. This movie represents the sin of wrath.
Movies tell a lot about the people that go and see them. People are intrigued by movies because they can relate to them. They are either how the viewers act, or how the viewers wish they lived their life. Going to the movie theater tells a lot about how the seven deadly sins are committed. Wrath, Sloth, Envy, Lush, Gluttony, Greed, and Pride are all committed in the movies and in the people that go to watch the movies.
The Seven Deadly Sins Committed at the Movie Theater II
After reading my seven deadly sins paper over a few times I realized that it wasn’t awful. When I was writing it I was not “feeling the paper”. I got stuck on many parts and was just expecting it to turn out as a disaster. I had no confidence in it and had a very pessimistic view on the whole paper. I can now see that the topic and story line is cleaver and interesting. People can relate to “people watching.” Everyday people judge, criticize, and compliment each other. With this paper I really wanted to portray this everyday aspect of a person’s life. I wanted to show that the personalities and lives of everyday people portray the seven deadly sins through their daily activities.
Some of the strengths of my paper were that I had good examples to back up my thesis, but I needed to elaborate on them. This was true for especially the paragraphs about lust and sloth. To do this I re-read the paper many times and tried to think of a way to add to them. I didn’t think that I needed to delete the whole paragraph and re-write it. I just had to add a few details and examples. Doing this will ensure and persuade the reader to agree with me and believing that those movies and the people who see the movie represents that sin.
For the sin of lust I needed a new mind set. When I wrote it first I had a hard time thinking of how to convey my thoughts. I added a new beginning to the paragraph by saying, “When I think of Lust the movie that pops into my head is Sex and the City.” With this new transition sentence it allows the reader to know my opinions and will show the reader what the rest of the paragraph will promise. This is much more in depth and developed than the beginning of the first draft which said, “Lust, “Sex and the City”. There are two types of people who come to watch this movie.” Staring out a paragraph in this way is just bland and doesn’t help to introduce or transition into this next phase of the paper. I think my revised piece is more developed and really backs up my thesis.
For the sin of sloth I added more to the middle of the paragraph to ensure that the reader can understand the type of people who go to see the movie that has committed the sin of sloth. Doing this will help to explain why I chose this movie to represent sloth. I think that the best sentence that I added to elaborate on this example is when I said, “These viewers live lives that are kind of dull and boring. They are very passionate about what they do. They are the type of people that are very caught up in their work and don’t pay much attention to their social life.” I think that these phrases use description and definition writing very well to portray the sin of sloth through the moviegoers.
I think that the most dramatic change that I made to my paper was to the introduction. I added much more detail on what my paper will promise in the body paragraphs. It does a much better job introducing the topic and dragging the reader into the paper. Not only did I introduce that the movies will reflect each of the seven deadly sins, but in my new introduction I made sure to elaborate on how the personalities of the moviegoers reflect that sin as well. My favorite line that I added in this paragraph is when I said, “Everyone enjoys spending their time watching movies with a big bowl of popcorn on their lap. Next time you are at the movies, look at the many different personalities that go see specific films.” Starting out my paper with these few sentences ensures that the reader can interact with the paper. This introduction allows the reader to think about their everyday lives and their own opinions on this topic.
All Seven Deadly Sins Committed at the Movie Theater.
Everyone enjoys spending their time watching movies with a big bowl of popcorn on their lap. Next time you are at the movies, look at the many different personalities that go see specific films. People enjoy watching movies because they feel like they can relate to the characters in different films. Not only do people watch movies that they can relate to in their everyday lives, but they also may be intrigued by movies that allow them to envision their lives in a different way. People wish that they can have the lives of the characters in specific films. Characters in movies have unrealistic life styles. They are always perfect. They may have their own life problems, but the movie always ends with a good life. Not only do the movies reflect the people that walk into that theater, but it reflects the secret lives that these people may live. All movies can be portrayed through the themes of the seven deadly sins- greed, gluttony, pride, lust, envy, sloth, and wrath. Not only do the plots, settings, and characters reflect these themes, but the moviegoers’ personalities are parallels to these themes as well.
I sit there at the movie theater watching the different personalities walk into the different playing of movies. Some horror films, chick-flicks, inspirational films, sports movies, documentaries, comedies, etc. I see the sin of Gluttony walk by. A 250 pound guys stumbles through the hall into the theater. He sits down with his 2 extra large sodas, 4 large popcorn boxes, and 6 jumbo size candy bars. He sits there to watch “Super Size Me.” An over indulged man who tests out the nutrition of McDonald's. He eats McDonald’s everyday for every meal. The crude graphics, over the top idea, and exaggerations illustrate the sin of gluttony. This reflects the man sitting in the theater. This man will be the character in “Super Size Me” in no time.
Greed walks into theater 7 down the hall. I walk into the theater and see a room full of high schooler's and teens sitting chatting away. Every person either has their cell phones out, ugg boots on, or their ipod touch in their hand. This generation is all about materialistic items. The movie theater is showing “21”. It is about these college students that can’t stop gambling. These students excel in school and have come up with a method to cheat the system of card playing. They count the cards while playing poker. Because they keep winning, they can’t stop even thought it is dangerous. At one point in the movie they put their life in jeopardy just to win money and buy lots of expensive items. Both the movie and the teens watching this movie have committed the sin of greed. Both teens and the characters in this movie buy things they want and not necessarily need. They are very greedy and buy things to have a good reputation and impress others.
In theater 3, “The Little Giants” is playing. The room is filled with about 30, tough, macho, high school boys. In this movie, Kevin O’shea who is very cocky, stuck up, and arrogant cuts all of these small, weak kids from his successful football team because they aren’t good enough. He even cuts his niece. When his brother starts a team with all of the kids who got cut from Kevin’s team, they challenge each other. Kevin has no doubt in his mind that they will win. His real fate will be shown when the two teams play. These boys watching this movie feel that they can relate. They want to be on the best team and show their friends that they are the best. These stocky football players only want to prove themselves to each other and show their over-arrogant pride. The sin of Pride has been committed in this theater through movie and in those watching it.
When I think of Lust the movie that pops into my head is “Sex and the City”. There are two types of people who come to watch this movie. There are the groups of best friends who have a girl’s night out and then the girls who force their boyfriends to go with them. This movie is all about lust and relationships. Four friends move to New York City to find love. They show the ups and downs in relationships. Girls love these kinds of chick flicks. They can relate to love and relationships. The lust of this movie and relationships has been committed among these people.
I look into theater 8. “March of the Penguins” comes on. The documentary is about penguins and their journey through Antarctica. They must go across the thick layer of ice and snow and march across the land in a single file line. This movie has no talking. It is simply just quiet, slow in some spots and very factual. This movie portrays the sin of sloth to a group of very low key, calm people. Many older people who enjoy facts and first hand footage of the wild. These viewers live lives that are kind of dull and boring. They are very passionate about what they do. They are the type of people that are very caught up in their work and don’t pay much attention to their social life. These sluggish penguins that take a whole winter to get to their destination intrigue the watchers in the theater. The sin of Sloth has been committed within these viewers as well as through the film.
“Silence of the Lambs” is about an FBI psychiatrist who interviews a killer to learn about Buffalo Bill who kidnaps and kills young women. She learns that he is holding a young lady and she has to take matters into her own hand and stop him. This killer has committed the sin of wrath. He is a very angry and livid man. This character is trying to get revenge. It has some graphic and intense scenes. This movie attracts many different kinds of people in the movie theater. The theater is filled with mostly guys who like intense situations. They don’t get scared by blood and guts. These intense men who thrive on violence and intriguing situations envision their lives in an action or horror film. Typically when guys have a problem and haven’t learned to deal with controlling their anger, they may lash out. Some guys become violent when they get angry and frustrated. This movie reflects this very fact, when you are angry, you want revenge. This movie represents the sin of wrath.
Movies tell a lot about the people that go and see them. People are intrigued by movies because they can relate to them. They are either how the viewers act or how the viewers wish they lived their lives. Wrath, Sloth, Envy, Lush, Gluttony, Greed, and Pride are all committed in the movies and within the people that go to watch those movies.
Ending the Sins
My original ending was very bland, quick, and to the point. Although it did bring all of the aspects of my paper together it was just lacking in excitement and personality. It didn't leave the reader thinking about anything new. This conclusion just restated the same points that I make throughout my paper.
Movies tell a lot about the people that go and see them. People are intrigued by movies because they can relate to them. They are either how the viewers act, or how the viewers wish they lived their life. Going to the movie theater tells a lot about how the seven deadly sins are committed. Wrath, Sloth, Envy, Lush, Gluttony, Greed, and Pride are all committed in the movies and in the people that go to watch the movies.
In my first new conclusion of this paper I am going to use the technique of restating the thesis of my essay. With this, the reader will be able to see the point of the essay. This technique will ensure that the paper has a conclusion that relates to the whole topic. With using this technique I would like to allow the reader to feel like the paper had a good ending. I want to ensure that it didn't end with the reader still thinking and wondering. With this new paragraph the reader can feel like I said everything I could to depict my topic.
In all movies you will see that at least one of the seven deadly sins will be present throughout. Not only will the sin be present in the movie, but as well as in the person seeing that movie. The type of movie that a person goes to see tells a lot about their character and personality. Someone that sees a movie where the sin of greed is present, they have an aspect of greediness in the way they live their life. As I sit and watch people go into different movie theaters, I can see their lives flash before me. They can either relate to the movie, or they want to have the lives of the characters. Either way, all of the seven deadly sins are present multiple times while at the Movie Theater.
In my second new conclusion I am going to wrap up my paper in a way that the reader can learn the importance of the essay subject. I will start out by saying how the seven deadly sins are committed everyday. This will leave the reader to keep thinking about this topic and will leave an impact on the reader's life as well as conclude my paper. With this technique, I hope to achieve the reader’s acceptance. I want to make sure that the reader has learned something or that the paper has made the reader think about life in a different way. With this new conclusion the reader should feel like the topic of this paper is important and can relate to their life.
The seven deadly sins are committed everywhere. You will see the sins gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride anywhere you go. You will see them being committed at the store, in your house, at the movies, and at school. A person will present the sin of gluttony in a way where they are over indulgent, greed in a way that they will do anything to get what they want, sloth in a very boring, slow, and lazy life or personality. The person who represents wrath shows this sin in a very angry, retaliated way, envy wishing you had what others have, and pride being over confident and arrogant. All of these sins can be seen in movies shown at the movie theater as well as in the lives of the moviegoers.
Movies tell a lot about the people that go and see them. People are intrigued by movies because they can relate to them. They are either how the viewers act, or how the viewers wish they lived their life. Going to the movie theater tells a lot about how the seven deadly sins are committed. Wrath, Sloth, Envy, Lush, Gluttony, Greed, and Pride are all committed in the movies and in the people that go to watch the movies.
In my first new conclusion of this paper I am going to use the technique of restating the thesis of my essay. With this, the reader will be able to see the point of the essay. This technique will ensure that the paper has a conclusion that relates to the whole topic. With using this technique I would like to allow the reader to feel like the paper had a good ending. I want to ensure that it didn't end with the reader still thinking and wondering. With this new paragraph the reader can feel like I said everything I could to depict my topic.
In all movies you will see that at least one of the seven deadly sins will be present throughout. Not only will the sin be present in the movie, but as well as in the person seeing that movie. The type of movie that a person goes to see tells a lot about their character and personality. Someone that sees a movie where the sin of greed is present, they have an aspect of greediness in the way they live their life. As I sit and watch people go into different movie theaters, I can see their lives flash before me. They can either relate to the movie, or they want to have the lives of the characters. Either way, all of the seven deadly sins are present multiple times while at the Movie Theater.
In my second new conclusion I am going to wrap up my paper in a way that the reader can learn the importance of the essay subject. I will start out by saying how the seven deadly sins are committed everyday. This will leave the reader to keep thinking about this topic and will leave an impact on the reader's life as well as conclude my paper. With this technique, I hope to achieve the reader’s acceptance. I want to make sure that the reader has learned something or that the paper has made the reader think about life in a different way. With this new conclusion the reader should feel like the topic of this paper is important and can relate to their life.
The seven deadly sins are committed everywhere. You will see the sins gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, and pride anywhere you go. You will see them being committed at the store, in your house, at the movies, and at school. A person will present the sin of gluttony in a way where they are over indulgent, greed in a way that they will do anything to get what they want, sloth in a very boring, slow, and lazy life or personality. The person who represents wrath shows this sin in a very angry, retaliated way, envy wishing you had what others have, and pride being over confident and arrogant. All of these sins can be seen in movies shown at the movie theater as well as in the lives of the moviegoers.
Tips to Ending a Relationship
When I first was assigned this paper I was not really looking forward to thinking of a topic to write about. My partner and I had a hard time thinking of a topic. We didn't want to write a paper that was boring and too simple such as "How to Make a Sandwich" or something along those lines. Once we thought of the title, "How to Break Up with your Girlfriend or Boyfriend," it was really easy to write the paper. We began by developing a list of ways to break up a relationship. Once we had this list we just thought of ideas and put them into our paper. We wanted to think of really outrageous ways to break up with someone, but we also wanted to make sure that people can relate to the paper. We didn't really have any obstacles once we picked this topic and began writing. It was really easy to find examples and develop them in a way that the reader can relate to. We really tried to show the reader both sides of the decisions. This is shown especially in the sentences that state, "Ending a relationship with a short text, you have to realize that you will hurt the other person’s feelings because you are not explaining your logic." With this we tried to explain to the reader how using this technique will hurt the other person when you may not have intended to. This explains how each person would react to every situation.
I really like the paper and how it is written. I think that people can relate to it and it flows well. The only thing that I would change while revising it is add more examples for every sub topic. I would try to come up with a few more ways to break up with a girlfriend or boyfriend as well. On our feedback sheet, our peers said that they have heard some of these suggestions that we made. I think that if I were to revise this paper I would come up with more creative subtopics. This will make it more interesting and fun for the reader. Not only would I come up with more creative subtopics, but I think that more detail and examples can be added, especially under the Picture subtopic. We need to add more examples on how to do this.
For some of the subtopics, I think we did a good job of developing them. The text and letter/email paragraphs were well written. I liked how we gave an example text and conclusion of the letter for the reader. As an example for a text which will allow you to break off your relationship, we said, "I thought we had something, but it's not going to work out. We should still be friends." Using this technique of bullets and giving the reader examples shows the reader a template to make it easier to end the relationship. As a suggestion we gave the reader an example of how to end the letter that they could write to end the relationship. For this suggestion our sample ending was a way to ensure that they got their whole point across and top show didn't mean to hurt the other person. Our example said, "I am really sorry, we had a lot going, but I hope you respect my decision that this will not workout and I hope we can stay friends."
There are definitely a few things we need to add and revise in this paper, but the topic and sub points flow well. We developed this process analysis paper in a way that the reader can connect with and relate to.
How to Break Up With your Boyfriend or Girlfriend
Have you ever been in a relationship and you don’t know how to end it? You may not want to hurt the other person’s feelings, but sometimes you have no other way to break it off. These are possible ways to help you end the relationship in different situations.
• Text
In a relationship if you feel intimidated by the other person face to face it is easier to show or explain how you feel in text. First, once you have decided that it wasn’t meant to be, you have two options. You can keep it short or drag it on. Ending a relationship with a short text, you have to realize that you will hurt the other person’s feelings because you are not explaining your logic.
The best option:
Sometimes in a letter you are able to express your feelings much easier. A letter is sometimes used in a long distance relationship. This is a good way to elaborate on how you feel. In the letter you should try not to make the other person feel bad. Show the positive moments that you shared.
Ending example:
A Facebook break up is a risky way to end a relationship because it allows other people to see it right away. This can cause drama between yourself and other friends. If you were to do this, we recommend that you send them a private message in their inbox. This will help to eliminate some of the drama. Once you have sent the private message, end your relationship status. After you do this make sure that you delete the relationship update.
To try to hint your feelings to the other person avoid them and ignore them. Whether it is not responding to text, phone calls, or ignoring them in school. This process will make the other person confused and will make them question the relationship. This also might trigger the other person to break up with you because they don’t want to be the person who doesn’t end the relationship.
Moving is a very serious decision. This can cause you to never see or talk to the person every again. This decision can also be looked as an excuse to the other person. To go about doing this you must tell the person you are moving. This will cause the relationship to never work out.
• Do something to make them breakup with you first
To avoid you having to breakup with your girlfriend or boyfriend, any of these techniques could be used to make them initiate.
o Cheat
This is one of the most harmful techniques to end a relationship. Expect anger and frustration from the other person. Also there could be possible drama between your ex and the person you cheat with.
o Hang out with someone else
Hanging out with someone else will cause the other person to believe that you are cheating and question your commitment in the relationship. If you are hanging out with someone that you know your girlfriend or boyfriend won’t approve of, expect them to be upset. You are better off telling them that you are hanging out with them.
There are many ways to end a relationship. They could be hurtful to the other person, but these techniques will help you to choose the best way to end the relationship. We suggest a face-to-face conversation where you can express your feelings and it shows that you care about the other person’s feelings. Having a face-to-face discussion will also avoid miscommunication to occur.
I really like the paper and how it is written. I think that people can relate to it and it flows well. The only thing that I would change while revising it is add more examples for every sub topic. I would try to come up with a few more ways to break up with a girlfriend or boyfriend as well. On our feedback sheet, our peers said that they have heard some of these suggestions that we made. I think that if I were to revise this paper I would come up with more creative subtopics. This will make it more interesting and fun for the reader. Not only would I come up with more creative subtopics, but I think that more detail and examples can be added, especially under the Picture subtopic. We need to add more examples on how to do this.
For some of the subtopics, I think we did a good job of developing them. The text and letter/email paragraphs were well written. I liked how we gave an example text and conclusion of the letter for the reader. As an example for a text which will allow you to break off your relationship, we said, "I thought we had something, but it's not going to work out. We should still be friends." Using this technique of bullets and giving the reader examples shows the reader a template to make it easier to end the relationship. As a suggestion we gave the reader an example of how to end the letter that they could write to end the relationship. For this suggestion our sample ending was a way to ensure that they got their whole point across and top show didn't mean to hurt the other person. Our example said, "I am really sorry, we had a lot going, but I hope you respect my decision that this will not workout and I hope we can stay friends."
There are definitely a few things we need to add and revise in this paper, but the topic and sub points flow well. We developed this process analysis paper in a way that the reader can connect with and relate to.
How to Break Up With your Boyfriend or Girlfriend
Have you ever been in a relationship and you don’t know how to end it? You may not want to hurt the other person’s feelings, but sometimes you have no other way to break it off. These are possible ways to help you end the relationship in different situations.
• Text
In a relationship if you feel intimidated by the other person face to face it is easier to show or explain how you feel in text. First, once you have decided that it wasn’t meant to be, you have two options. You can keep it short or drag it on. Ending a relationship with a short text, you have to realize that you will hurt the other person’s feelings because you are not explaining your logic.
The best option:
- “I thought we had something, but it’s not going to work out. We should still be friends.”
Sometimes in a letter you are able to express your feelings much easier. A letter is sometimes used in a long distance relationship. This is a good way to elaborate on how you feel. In the letter you should try not to make the other person feel bad. Show the positive moments that you shared.
Ending example:
- “I am really sorry, we had a lot going, but I hope you respect my decision that this will not work out and I hope we can stay friends.”
A Facebook break up is a risky way to end a relationship because it allows other people to see it right away. This can cause drama between yourself and other friends. If you were to do this, we recommend that you send them a private message in their inbox. This will help to eliminate some of the drama. Once you have sent the private message, end your relationship status. After you do this make sure that you delete the relationship update.
- We don’t recommend this method!
To try to hint your feelings to the other person avoid them and ignore them. Whether it is not responding to text, phone calls, or ignoring them in school. This process will make the other person confused and will make them question the relationship. This also might trigger the other person to break up with you because they don’t want to be the person who doesn’t end the relationship.
- This technique can result in the option of either person ending the relationship.
Moving is a very serious decision. This can cause you to never see or talk to the person every again. This decision can also be looked as an excuse to the other person. To go about doing this you must tell the person you are moving. This will cause the relationship to never work out.
- Choosing this option doesn’t just end the relationship, it changes your everyday life.
• Do something to make them breakup with you first
To avoid you having to breakup with your girlfriend or boyfriend, any of these techniques could be used to make them initiate.
o Cheat
This is one of the most harmful techniques to end a relationship. Expect anger and frustration from the other person. Also there could be possible drama between your ex and the person you cheat with.
o Hang out with someone else
Hanging out with someone else will cause the other person to believe that you are cheating and question your commitment in the relationship. If you are hanging out with someone that you know your girlfriend or boyfriend won’t approve of, expect them to be upset. You are better off telling them that you are hanging out with them.
There are many ways to end a relationship. They could be hurtful to the other person, but these techniques will help you to choose the best way to end the relationship. We suggest a face-to-face conversation where you can express your feelings and it shows that you care about the other person’s feelings. Having a face-to-face discussion will also avoid miscommunication to occur.
Taste the Rainbow
We were given the task to pick a picture that we found online and use that to inspire us to write a narrative story. After looking around for a while I found this picture. It immediately caught my attention. When I first started to analyze the picture I thought that it was very interesting, but confusing. I couldn’t wrap my hand around what was really going on. I saw the car coming up a hill. At the top of the hill it appeared as though a rainbow was starting or ending from the car. I thought that this could be a very interesting and intriguing storyline for the paper.
After I distinguished that the Skittles were creating the rainbow, I had to think of a conclusion. I needed to decide how I wanted to wrap up my thoughts and end the story. This was difficult for me. I had absolutely no clue how I was going to wrap up this crazy, interesting story. I think I did a good job ending it. Concluding the story with a dream setting was very subtle. I don’ think that the reader would know that the whole thing is a dream until the end when I say, “My mom says, “Wake up, we are home.” I opened my eyes, so confused. What had just happened? Was all of this a dream? I had to ask. I explained this whole story to my family and honestly had no clue what was real and not. I finished telling them the story of our fantastic family excursion. I looked at their faces and everyone just began to laugh.” I think that ending the narrative this way really allows the reader relate. I am sure that everyone has woke up after a long night sleep and questioned whether their dream was reality or fantasy. The story line is kind of ridiculous and the reader will be questioning if it is true or not, so having this ending will clear up the confusion.
One thing that I need to improve on in this paper is my structure. I think that the story line is well written, but most of the beginning is being narrated and the end is all dialogue. I need to find a way to blend them both. One place that this is really prominent is at the beginning when I said, “My whole family got into the car and we were off, heading back home. I did have a fun time hanging out with my family, but I’m not exactly a fan of sleeping on the hard, rock solid ground.” I just narrated this part, but at the end this is an example of where I used dialogue well, “We introduced ourselves to them and explained this incredible sight. I said, “There is this incredible image that we have been following. It appears to me that the rainbow is coming out of your car.” In my revised draft I need to change this format and be sure that I incorporate both narration and dialogue throughout the whole narrative.
With narrative writing you have to develop a plot, setting, and characters. I think that my characters are fairly developed, but I need to add a little background information about the family. I think that with the picture and imagery I used throughout the paper that I quoted above allows the setting to be dominant. As I said I think that my story line is very cleaver and interesting. I am sure that people can relate to this story and will enjoy reading it.
I would like feedback on my dialogue. I'm not sure if I need more or less dialogue and if the dialogue that I have makes sense. Also, I would like to know what you think about my ending. I think that it works well, but it is kind of cheesy. Finally, I would like feedback on whether people would think that it is intriguing and interesting.
When I first started to draft this paper I had an idea of what I wanted to write about, but it was difficult for me. I struggled with coming us with an ending. I knew that somehow I wanted the picture to be something the characters saw, so I had to come up with a plot. I used descriptive writing to help enhance the imagery of the piece. One place where my descriptive writing is very strong is when I said, “I look up at the sky and there are no clouds in sight. I look towards the horizon and there it is. This majestic rainbow. It is perfect. The separate colors are so definite and exuberant.” I think that my strengths of this paper are the plot, storyline, and use of imagery. The reader can really connect with this piece and imagine this sight in their head.
Honestly when I was writing this paper I had no idea of where it was going. I knew that I wanted the main character to meet the people in the “rainbow car,” but I had no idea how they were going to explain why there was a rainbow coming out of it. Then, I had a thought. I knew that the slogan of skittles was “Taste the Rainbow.” With this I figured that this slogan can define the rainbow. Not only did this quote guide my paper, I think that it would work as a possible title. “Taste the Rainbow” is a slogan that catches people’s eye and is recognizable. It will encourage the reader to keep reading the rest of the paper.
One thing that I need to improve on in this paper is my structure. I think that the story line is well written, but most of the beginning is being narrated and the end is all dialogue. I need to find a way to blend them both. One place that this is really prominent is at the beginning when I said, “My whole family got into the car and we were off, heading back home. I did have a fun time hanging out with my family, but I’m not exactly a fan of sleeping on the hard, rock solid ground.” I just narrated this part, but at the end this is an example of where I used dialogue well, “We introduced ourselves to them and explained this incredible sight. I said, “There is this incredible image that we have been following. It appears to me that the rainbow is coming out of your car.” In my revised draft I need to change this format and be sure that I incorporate both narration and dialogue throughout the whole narrative.
With narrative writing you have to develop a plot, setting, and characters. I think that my characters are fairly developed, but I need to add a little background information about the family. I think that with the picture and imagery I used throughout the paper that I quoted above allows the setting to be dominant. As I said I think that my story line is very cleaver and interesting. I am sure that people can relate to this story and will enjoy reading it.
I would like feedback on my dialogue. I'm not sure if I need more or less dialogue and if the dialogue that I have makes sense. Also, I would like to know what you think about my ending. I think that it works well, but it is kind of cheesy. Finally, I would like feedback on whether people would think that it is intriguing and interesting.
It was one day in early April when I was driving home from a camping trip in the mountains. It was pouring rain the whole trip. I just wanted to get inside the safe car where it would be warm and dry. My whole family got into the car and we were off, heading back home. I did have a fun time hanging out with my family, but I’m not exactly a fan of sleeping on the hard, rock solid ground. I just kept thinking about my nice soft, warm bed. I couldn’t wait.
We got into the car and were on our way. Of course as soon as we got into the car the rain stopped and the sun cam out. Don’t you just love how that always happens. We are now on our 5 hour drive in the mountains in nice sunny weather. As we are driving down the highway before we get to the expressway, I see the most magnificent sight. I look up at the sky and there are no clouds in sight. I look towards the horizon and there it is. This majestic rainbow. It is perfect. The separate colors are so definite and exuberant. I follow the rainbow with my eyes for a few minutes. I have always wondered how rainbows form and if everyone around is looking at this exact rainbow and seeing the same thing I see. The rainbow is such a mysterious object. It seems so close, yet so far away. I wonder how far away it actually is.
As we kept driving, I kept following this mysterious sight. I kept thinking about how in movies and stories there is always a pot of gold and a leprechaun at the end of a rainbow. How strange would that be if it was real? Is there really a start and end to a rainbow or does it just fade into other colors of the world? I look up and we keep getting closer and closer to the rainbow. This never happens. I always feel like when I see a rainbow it is moving further and further away. How can this be possible? Why am I getting closer to it?
Then all of a sudden when we drive up a hill through the mountains the sight was nothing I have ever seen before. The car coming the other way was the starting point of the rainbow. How is this possible? I was so intrigued, yet so confused and perplexed. It looked like the rainbow was coming out of the car. As soon as I saw this sight, I thought to my self, “is this really happening? This kind of thing only occurs in movies. There is no way this is real.” My dad who was driving immediately stopped the car to look at this sight. I wonder if the two men in the car know that this rainbow is “following” them. We had to turn around and follow them. I know that this sounds kind of creepy, but I wanted to see what was going to happen.
We followed the car for 25 minutes until we passed a McDonald's when they finally stopped. We pulled into the parking spot right next to them. The rainbow was still following them. Two guys got out of the car. We introduced ourselves to them and explained this incredible sight. I said,
“There is this incredible image that we have been following. It appears to me that the rainbow is coming out of your car.”
My little sister added, “Are you leprechauns?” The two guys just looked at each other and laughed. They told us to take a peak into their front seat cup holder and tell them what we saw. There it was, a red wrapped package. What could it be? Of course, they had a package of skittles that they had been eating. We looked back at the guys with our shocked looks upon our faces.
They just laughed and said, “Skittles! Taste the rainbow.”
I looked at my sister and laughed. I couldn’t believe what we had just discovered. How could this happen, it is too good to be true. So we hopped back into the car knowing that we had solved this mystery of where the end of the rainbow comes from.
My mom says, “Wake up, we are home.”
I opened my eyes, so confused. What had just happened? Was all of this a dream? I had to ask. I explained this whole story to my family and honestly had no clue what was real and not. I finished telling them the story of our fantastic family excursion. I looked at their faces and everyone just began to laugh.
My dad said, “This is the most ridiculous dream that I have ever heard. You must have been exhausted from camping because you slept the whole way home. This is quiet a journey for a 5 hour drive. Hahah. What an event, that is the funniest thing ever and I can’t believe that you actually thought that this dream could be real.”
I am so embarrassed. I can’t believe that I just admitted to my family that skittles make up the rainbow. What a dream.
Skittles, Taste the Rainbow. Second Draft
After reading my first draft of this paper and getting feedback on it. I went back through and read the whole paper. I had a few ideas of things that I wanted to change and I really liked other aspects of the original draft. I decided to change the beginning. I mostly kept the same concept, but said it in a more "showing" way. I wanted to get more dialogue in the beginning.
To incorporate everything that a narrative needs, I tired to use better descriptive words to develop the character. Not only did I describe the setting better and use broader vocabulary, I tried to incorporate the personality and tone of the main character. I think that it is very important to see the change within the character from the beginning when she is cranky and tired to the end when she realizes the truth about her journey. I think that the personality is best described in my paper in the first few sentences of the introduction. I stated the paper off with quoting of the character saying, “Of course, it is the rainiest time of the year and Mom and Dad decided that we need a family vacation. And where do we go? Obviously not somewhere warm where that I can lay on the beach and tan. We go to the Adirondacks camping. That sounds like tons of fun doesn’t it?” This quote allows the reader to capture the tone of the character. You can tell by these sentences that this character is a cranky teenager. The development of the character is something that I changed from my original draft which improves the paper.
I didn't change much of the end of my narrative because I find that it is kind of a shocker the way it ends. It catches the reader off guard. I think that without foreshadowing the fact that the whole journey is a dream enhances the "surprise" factor. Without this little hint, the reader will want to go back and try to find a place at the beginning that may lead to the ending. The way that I set up the story, allows the reader to experience the many different moods the character portrays throughout the narrative.
My new and revised story has all of the great point from my original copy, but it has been changed to enhance the storyline. In my revised copy I changed the format of the paper. In my original copy most of the beginning was narration and the end was all dialogue. I changed this and incorporated more dialogue at the beginning and more narration at the end. For example, instead of explaining the site of the rainbow, I used dialogue to enhance the vision. You can really see the different between the two drafts. In my original draft I said, "How strange would that be if it was real? Is there really a start and end to a rainbow or does it just fade into other colors of the world? I look up and we keep getting closer and closer to the rainbow. This never happens." In my second draft I said, "I screamed, “LOOK! Is that possible? How can this be happening? I was so intrigued, yet so perplexed. My sister says confused, “This thing only happens in movies. What is going on? Is this real?” Putting this part in dialogue allows the reader to connect with the characters. It is a better way to show what is actually happening rather than just tell the story.
To incorporate everything that a narrative needs, I tired to use better descriptive words to develop the character. Not only did I describe the setting better and use broader vocabulary, I tried to incorporate the personality and tone of the main character. I think that it is very important to see the change within the character from the beginning when she is cranky and tired to the end when she realizes the truth about her journey. I think that the personality is best described in my paper in the first few sentences of the introduction. I stated the paper off with quoting of the character saying, “Of course, it is the rainiest time of the year and Mom and Dad decided that we need a family vacation. And where do we go? Obviously not somewhere warm where that I can lay on the beach and tan. We go to the Adirondacks camping. That sounds like tons of fun doesn’t it?” This quote allows the reader to capture the tone of the character. You can tell by these sentences that this character is a cranky teenager. The development of the character is something that I changed from my original draft which improves the paper.
I didn't change much of the end of my narrative because I find that it is kind of a shocker the way it ends. It catches the reader off guard. I think that without foreshadowing the fact that the whole journey is a dream enhances the "surprise" factor. Without this little hint, the reader will want to go back and try to find a place at the beginning that may lead to the ending. The way that I set up the story, allows the reader to experience the many different moods the character portrays throughout the narrative.
My new and revised story has all of the great point from my original copy, but it has been changed to enhance the storyline. In my revised copy I changed the format of the paper. In my original copy most of the beginning was narration and the end was all dialogue. I changed this and incorporated more dialogue at the beginning and more narration at the end. For example, instead of explaining the site of the rainbow, I used dialogue to enhance the vision. You can really see the different between the two drafts. In my original draft I said, "How strange would that be if it was real? Is there really a start and end to a rainbow or does it just fade into other colors of the world? I look up and we keep getting closer and closer to the rainbow. This never happens." In my second draft I said, "I screamed, “LOOK! Is that possible? How can this be happening? I was so intrigued, yet so perplexed. My sister says confused, “This thing only happens in movies. What is going on? Is this real?” Putting this part in dialogue allows the reader to connect with the characters. It is a better way to show what is actually happening rather than just tell the story.
Another way that I made my second draft flow better than my original copy is by changing the grammar. In my original copy I started out in a different tense than when I ended. This made it confusion to follow. In my original paper I started out by saying things like, "We Were" and I ended the paper with, "I am." In my new revised paper I was sure to keep the same tense throughout to ensure that it is easy to follow.
I hope that all of my changes and revisions allows this copy to be better than its original. This narrative is an interesting story and the changes that I made only enhanced and added character to the story. This is my second draft of my narrative writing piece:
Skittles, Taste the Rainbow
“Of course, it is the rainiest time of the year and Mom and Dad decided that we need a family vacation. And where do we go? Obviously not somewhere warm where that I can lay on the beach and tan. We go to the Adirondacks camping. That sounds like tons of fun doesn’t it?” I said to my sister as we get into the car after a four day camping trip over our April break.
It had been raining every single minute we were here. I can admit that I was cranky during this trip, but what seventeen year old girl wouldn’t be? We don’t have cell phone reception and I have to spend quality time with my somewhat annoying little sister. Yeah, I had fun spending time with my family going fishing and cooking s’mores over the fire, but I’m not exactly a fan of sleeping on the freezing, rock solid ground. I just kept thinking about my nice soft, warm bed. I couldn’t wait.
We were off on a five hour adventure that no one could imagine. I lie down on my pillow that is pushed up against the window and stare at the sky. You wouldn’t believe what happened next. Obviously once I get into the car and get situated, the sun comes out. I say out loud in disgust, “UGH, you’ve got to be kidding me.”
My Mom responded quickly, “Oh, cool it. You survived. You have kind of been a Debby downer the whole trip.”
I stated in a tone that a smart a-lick teenager would respond with, “Hey I came didn’t I?”
After that statement, I knew that I had to be quiet and try to enjoy the five hour ride with my Ipod on the loudest volume to drain everything out. I stared out the window and saw the most magnificent sight. Looking at the sky with no clouds in sight, the most perfect rainbow is showing its most clear and exuberant colors. This makes me start to think.
I start to question, “How do rainbows form? Does everyone see the same sights? Rainbows are the most mysterious object, yet so beautiful.”
We keep driving and I keep my focus on the rainbow. Thinking about how in movies and stories there is always a pot of gold and a leprechaun at the end of a rainbow. I thought to myself, “How weird would that be if it were true? Is there really a start and end to a rainbow or does it just fade into other colors of the world?” I look up as we get closer and closer to the rainbow. This never happens. The rainbow always seems to be getting further and further away. This is when things started to get weird. As we are driving up the hill heading home, I saw a sight like no other. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The car that was heading towards us was the starting point of the rainbow.
I screamed, “LOOK! Is that possible? How can this be happening? I was so intrigued, yet so perplexed.
My sister says confused and worried, “This thing only happens in movies. What is going on? Is this real?”
My Dad, who was driving, immediately stopped the car to view this magical sight. He says, “I wonder if the two men in the car know that the rainbow is following them.” We immediately turned around, causing our trip time to increase by about two hours, to see what was going on. We followed the car for twenty-five minutes until it pulled into a McDonald’s and finally stopped. We pulled into the parking stop right next to them, with the rainbow still following. Two guys got out of the car. We introduced ourselves to them and explained this incredible sight. I, perplexed and exasperated said, “There is this incredible image that we have been following. It appears to me that the rainbow is coming out of your car.”
My little sister added excitedly, “Are you leprechauns?” The two guys just looked at each other and laughed. They told us to take a peak into their front seat cup holder and tell them what we saw. There it was, a red wrapped package. What could it be? Of course, they had a package of skittles that they had been eating. We looked back at the guys with our shocked looks upon our faces.
They just laughed and said, “Skittles! Taste the rainbow.”
I looked at my sister and burst out laughing. I couldn’t believe what we had just discovered. How could this happen, it is too good to be true. So we hopped back into the car knowing that we had solved this mystery of where the end of the rainbow comes from.
My mom says, “Wake up, we are home.” I opened my eyes, so confused. What had just happened? Was all of this a dream? I had to ask.
Exasperated I said, “So there was this car, and a rainbow, and two men, and skittles. Skittles, taste the rainbow.”
I explained this whole story to my family. I honestly had no clue what was real and not as they could tell from my frantic, exhausting description of the past scenes. I finished telling them the story of our fantastic family excursion. I looked at their faces and everyone just began to laugh. That is when I knew the truth to this tale.
My dad said, “This is the most ridiculous dream that I have ever heard. You must have been exhausted from camping because you slept the whole way home. This is quiet a journey for a 5 hour drive. What an event, that is the funniest thing ever and I can’t believe that you actually thought that this dream could be real.” I am so embarrassed. I can’t believe that I just admitted to my family that skittles make up the rainbow. What a dream.
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